The last vestiges of winter, a little failed reverse psychology for a little girl who’s too smart for your own good, and a little must-carry-out-the-silly-threat-to-teach-you-a-lesson parenting ethos lead to more embarrassment than I care to admit. I really hope you grow up to appreciate the things I had to go through as a dad, Cookie.
Me: Cookie, it’s surprisingly cold today. Wear your hat.
Me: Cookie, I don’t want you to get sick. Wear your hat.
Me: If you don’t wear your hat, I’m going to wear it.
Cookie: Okay. You wear it.
Me: If I wear it, you can’t wear it.
Me: Don’t tell me you want to wear it later. I won’t give it to you.
Me: Are you sure you won’t get jealous later?
[Please don’t make me wear this.] Last chance. [Let me keep my dignity.] It’s your favorite hat.
Cookie: No, I don’t want my hat, Daddy.
Lesson learned: that’s the last time I make silly threats.
If anyone saw a grown man walking around the city wearing a Hello Kitty hat, holding the hand of an evilly grinning but hatless toddler a couple weeks ago, that was I. Hello.