Happy Father’s Day – Some Assembly Required

Cookie:  Happy Father’s Day!

Me:  Thank-you.

Mommy: Cookie made you a card in art class, but we can’t find it.

Cookie:  It’s a scavenger hunt!  Here’s a hint, Daddy.  We already searched the living room.

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Happy Father’s Day to Me

Cookie:  I have to go to the bathroom.

Me: After we’re done ordering.

Cookie:  Can you take me please?

Me: But .. ok.

***

Cookie: Carry my backpack please.

***

Cookie: I don’t want to use my scooter anymore.  Can you carry it?

***

Cookie:  I’m tired.  Can you carry me?

Me: But…

Cookie: Please?

Me:  Ok.

***

Cookie: I want Daddy to give me a bath tonight.

***

Cookie:  Daaaaaaady!  I finished pooping.  Come and wipe my butt please.

Me:  It’s Father’ Day.  Shouldn’t I get a rest?  Can’t Mommy do it?

Cookie:  But it’s Father’s Day!  I want Daddy to do it.

Me: [word deleted]… Ok.

 

And a happy Father’s Day it was.  I can’t move today (why do you never get tired or asked to be carried when you walk with just Mommy?), but I wouldn’t change a thing.

5 Going on 15

Some subway trains smell more than others in New York.  However, the subway is often the most convenient way to get across the city, especially when the streets are clogged.  Unfortunately, that fact doesn’t usually help the mood of the people jammed into the train like sardines.

Cookie:  The chemical smell in this train is making me really edgy.

Me too, Cookie.  Me too.

Slogan Time, Mommy!

Mommy and I are both sick from something you gave us last week: coughing, sneezing, mucousy, gross.  Mommy is incapacitated on the couch.

Mommy:  Cookie, can you hand me a tissue, please?

You look around and don’t see a tissue box.  Instead, you snag an used tissue from the pile Mommy placed on the coffee table.

Mommy:  Cookie, can you get me a new tissue?

Cookie:  Reduce.  Reuse.  Recycle.

A Lesson in Marketing

Cookie:  BLEH!

Me: Hmmm?  What happened?

Cookie: YUCK!

Mommy: You don’t like your Frozen mouthwash?

Cookie:  Bleeeeeeeeeeh!  No!

Mommy:  But didn’t you insist on me buying the Frozen mouthwash over your favorite bubble gum one, even though your favorite was on sale and this one was more expensive?

Cookie nodding sorrowfully: Yeah.

Me:  Do you think a picture of Elsa on the label has anything to do with how it tastes?

Cookie: No.

Mommy: Will you listen to me next time and not to silly marketing?

Cookie: Yes.

Mommy:  I guess that was $8 well spent.

Yuletide Exuberance

Cookie in the elevator: It’s one day until Christmas Eve!

The random woman in the elevator smiles.

Ding.

A random man enters.

Cookie: Hello!  Do you know that it’s one day until Christmas Eve?

Random man: Yes it is.  Are you excited for Christmas?

Cookie nods furiously: Yep!  I can’t wait.

A short while later:

Cookie shouting while walking down the street:  IT’S ONE DAY UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE!

Yep.  Someone’s excited.