I have a complaint about the Lego Friends line of toys. It’s not the usual one about gender stereotyping (though as a parent I have to do extra work to unchain the limiting play aspects of this line, but fortunately as a long time Lego customer, I have enough bricks to allow my girl to create a world of imagination and adventure on her own). It’s not about the body image of the minifigs, though, for some reason, boys get the classic, blocky people while girls get the thinner, Barbie-distortion ones. It’s not even a complaint that the armor, backpacks and other body wear don’t work across the two Lego products. Nope.
Do you know how hard it is for a procrastinating dad with OCD to wrap the damn Lego Friends boxes at 2 AM on Christmas morning? Do you really need the oblong edges?
I am not a trampoline. You are not a 35 pound alarm clock that goes off at 5 AM on weekends.
Alarm clocks don’t bounce. They also have a snooze button. As you may have noticed, I always had the iPad next to me with the mute button locked. That used to buy me 30 minutes of sleep. No longer.
Saturday mornings fall into the same pattern. The bliss of deep sleep abruptly ends in a confusing sense of motion and pain. Once the jumping stops, little fingers pry my eyelids open, and my first coherent view of the world is an over-eager face inches away from mine, accompanied a voice that is much too loud and energetic for the state I’m in*: “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Let’s play! You don’t have to go to work today! Let’s play! Let’s PLAY! Daddy-daughter day! Let’s go the museum, and the park, and the fish store, and have ice cream, and go to the zoo, and have lots of fun! Daddy! Wake up Daddy!”
*I think this is a sign of aging. In my younger days, I could hang out with friends on a weeknight, um, studying, close down the, um, library at 4 AM, and still be fine for class or work the next day. Now, a rare guy’s Friday night out with minimal (seriously, a bunch of us catching up, showing each other pictures of offspring, and talking about furniture … yep, another depressing sign of aging), um, studying results in exhaustion the entire weekend, and I’m still paying the consequences Monday morning. …when did that happen?
Of course the 35 pound alarm clock without a snooze button does not help.