A Lesson in Moderation

Wasabi.

 

You can’t say we didn’t warn you, Cookie.  Something tells me that you will listen next time.

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A Lesson in Marketing

Cookie:  BLEH!

Me: Hmmm?  What happened?

Cookie: YUCK!

Mommy: You don’t like your Frozen mouthwash?

Cookie:  Bleeeeeeeeeeh!  No!

Mommy:  But didn’t you insist on me buying the Frozen mouthwash over your favorite bubble gum one, even though your favorite was on sale and this one was more expensive?

Cookie nodding sorrowfully: Yeah.

Me:  Do you think a picture of Elsa on the label has anything to do with how it tastes?

Cookie: No.

Mommy: Will you listen to me next time and not to silly marketing?

Cookie: Yes.

Mommy:  I guess that was $8 well spent.

Yuletide Exuberance

Cookie in the elevator: It’s one day until Christmas Eve!

The random woman in the elevator smiles.

Ding.

A random man enters.

Cookie: Hello!  Do you know that it’s one day until Christmas Eve?

Random man: Yes it is.  Are you excited for Christmas?

Cookie nods furiously: Yep!  I can’t wait.

A short while later:

Cookie shouting while walking down the street:  IT’S ONE DAY UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE!

Yep.  Someone’s excited.

The Dangers of Toddlers Reading

Cookie:  Daddy, why does the cup that I use to brush my teeth say, “Killian’s Irish Red?”

Me: [Because drinking.]

Oh good, the internal dad filter is working today.

Me: [Because sake bombs tricks are fun to try.]

Nope.  Swing and a miss.

Me: [Because  double shot glasses (plastic, of course) are the perfect size for toddlers.]

Better, but I don’t want to answer what double shots are.

Me: Look, Cookie, don’t you like the horsey on the cup?

At least toddlers have the attention span of …. SQUIRREL!

Shaming by Toddlers – The Cure for Societal Ills

Ever been embarrassed by the unfettered and brutal truth from the mouth of a toddler?  With a fresh perspective and no inhibitions, toddlers can say whatever they want, and no adult can really deny a toddler telling the truth without digging themselves into a bigger hole.  What if we could harness that power to better society?

Cookie speaking too loudly, as usual:  I smell gas!

Me: No, that’s not gas.

Cookie:  But it’s a bad chemical smell.

Me:  There is something  floating around, but it’s not gas.

Cookie speaking loud enough for the entire street to hear:  It’s bad perfume!

Cookie pointing at the man in front of us:  It’s him!  It’s coming from him!

Me:  Shhh, Cookie.  Not so loud.  And it’s cologne, Cookie.  When men wear a fragrance, it’s called cologne.

When we caught up to the poor guy at the stop light, his face was beet red.  Everyone else around us tried unsuccessfully to hide their grins.  I’m guessing he’s not going to bathe himself in that bad drugstore musk in the future.

The Kid Has Taken Over

Cookie, ever since the day you came into my life, I knew that every waking moment would revolve around you.  I guess I’m still adjusting to what that means.

Mommy:  Honey, for Thanksgiving, we’ve invited Vanessa, Sophia, Larissa, and Eric.

Me: Ok.

Me: [No problem.  I can cook for four.  Wait.  Mommy just named four of your friends, Cookie.  Some days, I’m quick like that.]

Me:  So that’s fourteen people coming!?!

Mommy: Sophia’s uncle and grandmother too.

Me: Sixteen!

 

Somewhere along the way, my friends became replaced with the parents of your friends, Cookie.  When did that happen?