Cookie: Daddy, my butt itches. I have a rash and need ointment.
Daddy: Cookie, your butt looks fine.
Cookie: No, it itches. Look closer.
Cookie: Haha! Got you, Daddy!
Three reactions instantly popped into my head.
First, argggbublglglglglgglgl! I never got over how ungodly, eye-watering stenches could emanate from such a cute baby. (Yes, my nose was blessedly fortunate as you were toilet trained at about the time your pea soup diaper deposits were changing, so no, I never got used to the smell.)
Second, immense pride. As one practical joker to another, that was truly impressive for toddler that hadn’t even turned two. I can’t believe that you concocted the entire sequence and then set me up with a completely straight face. After many years of witnessing guys making uninspired attempts of “smell this,” being caught like this by my beautiful little daughter was AWESOME.
Third, I didn’t know this side existed for girls. Sugar and spice aside, you’ll soon be in a world where women hide the existence of necessary bodily functions for months in a relationship. Advice for the future you: don’t. A guy who can’t appreciate the humor isn’t worth the trouble.
As you may have noticed, Cookie, many of these first posts are of a scatological nature. Eating and pooping are very important to new parents (Many websites and doctors recommend digital scales. For the baby! Ew.), and since Mommy was primarily in charge of inputs in your early life (I lack the functional equipment to assist in that department –Mommy insisted on feeding from the tap), I was primarily in charge of outputs. At least that’s my excuse. It has nothing to do with my immature sense of humor whatsoever. Those high fives that I may or may not have given you when you let one near Mommy after this particular episode? Didn’t happen. Not that you can prove, anyway.