Mommy: Does my hair smell?
Me: No, you’re fine. [I’ve been married long enough to know the rules.]
Mommy: Are you sure?
…[a half an hour later at breakfast]
Cookie: Mommy, did you take a shower last night?
Mommy: No, I was too tired.
Cookie: Your hair stinks. Go take a shower after breakfast.
Mommy: But you told me…
Me: Making breakfast must have messed up your hair.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Mommy: How was school today?
Cookie: I got married!
Cookie: I texted Julian if he wanted to marry me.*
Cookie: He said yes.** He’s a nice boy.
Mommy: Where did this come from?
Five months earlier:
Cookie: You look pretty in this picture Mommy.
Mommy: Thanks, Cookie. That’s a picture of Daddy and I getting married.
Cookie: I want to marry Daddy too.
Mommy: No, Cookie, Daddy is already married. When you’re older, you need to find your own nice boy to marry.
On the plus side, it’s good to know that you’re listening to us, kiddo.
* My goal is to raise a strong and determined woman. I didn’t know I would succeed at age 3. Technologically forward too.
** Poor Julian. He had no idea what hit him.